Red's Annual Christmas Letter

Dear Redheads-

It's Christmas time again, and each year around this time I'm reminded of that embarrassing incident with the New Christy Hamsters. We recorded "Holy Shit, It's Christmas!" in 1994, and every Christmas since, it plays on the radio all over the place . Those 3 little, rat bastard, hamsters taunted me and then switched the lyric sheet on me during the recording of their annual Christmas television special. I was so pissed at them, I haven't spoken to them in three years. Now my manager, Owen Money, wants me to record another Christmas tune with them. He's the same knucklehead who wanted me to sing a duet with Babe last summer. I finally had to say, "Aren't there any humans out there that want to work with me?" He said, "Quite frankly Red...no."

So, it's another tune with with the Hamsters I guess. I've been holding out for more cash anyway with recording the second album. I won't record again until the cash is right. I told the executives up at Ugly Sisters Records, if you liked the songs and bits on the first album, "I Laughed, I Cried, I Fudged My Undies!", then you're gonna shit yourselves when you get a load of the material on the second one. But, they're playing hardball with me. I don't care. I'm still working the chicken and hamster ranch I bought up in Maine, plus singing the national anthem has been a very lucrative side business for me. So, I'm in no hurry. But, to be honest with you, I really can't wait to record the new material. I can only hope 1999 will be the year. Do me a favor. Drop an e-mail to the president of Ugly Sisters Records, Peter Inanus, and tell him to cough up the cash and get the show on the road. I'll make sure he gets it. In the meantime, I want to wish everyone a Happy Holiday and thank all you nuts for buying my music and visiting my website.

Don't get any on you.

Sincerely,

Red Peters

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